Yesterday

So yesterday was better. As soon as I was able to get off the couch and take Elena to preschool, I hightailed it to Walmart and raided their produce section. I came home and marinated some chicken for salads throughout the week but that eventually became dinner. Luckily I only had one bowl of salad and then saved the rest for today. I didn't exercise but I walked around quite a bit and didn't really get a chance to sit down until the kids were in bed. Tomorrow, Elena has preschool and I plan on going for a walk and add in some jogging if my back is feeling up to it. My meals will be serving sizes and I will have 5-6 of them throughout the day to help my metabolism. I did get on the scale this morning because I will want to know my weight but I'm not going to worry about the fluctuation because I know that is normal, especially in women. I am going to measure everything today too so I know what I'm starting from and how many inches I lose.
I want to be healthy. I want to feel comfortable again in my own skin. I don't want to compare myself to those skinny gorgeous moms all around me at church. I have to be me and do it in my own time and decide every morning when I wake up that today will be a good day, even though it will be difficult to remember throughout the day, it is up to me how I feel at the end of the day. Its cooling off a little here and things are looking good for the house we are buying. Its in a beautiful quiet neighborhood that would be great for walks and jogging through when the kids are at school.
Thank you all you beautiful wonderful friends that have commented and encouraged me. Your support means so much.

Disappointment

I'm so disappointed in myself. I've lost my love of exercise, I've lost my self control. I'm back to where I hoped I would never be. It's even causing me health problems. I have back pain so often now. Mostly sciatica which is awful and I used to get it when I was pregnant. I'm too afraid to get on the scale because I'm afraid to see the damage I've done. Maybe by recognizing it and voicing my disappointment and fears will help get me back on the right track.
I'm afraid of hurting my back more. I'm afraid if exercising alone. I'm afraid exercising will be too hard with all this weight on me. Im afraid that i will miss the good food too much. I'm afraid of having a bad day and being too hard on myself for it.
As I'm sitting on my couch with a heating pad trying to calm the burning pain in my hip and back, I wonder which is scarier; sitting here and letting the pain get worse and ending up not being able to move or getting back into a regular exercise schedule and eating less and more of what my body needs.
I will not be one of those people that I pity because they have no control or do not care what happens to them but complain when they are unhappy or unhealthy. I will not become one of those people. Starting today it will be different. If its not, then I'm in trouble. My family is in trouble. They should not suffer because I can't stop stuffing my face and am being lazy. They will not suffer. This is all about to get better. I don't want to count pounds. I want to judge on how much I eat and inches and how I'm feeling over all. That's how this is going to happen. If you read this blog, be prepared for a lot of soul searching and blubbering about how hard it is. I'm afraid if I keep it inside then I will become a feeding frenzy when it gets difficult, which it will.

"I WORK OUT!!!"

This week is going to be hell. I can already tell. The kids are starting swimming  lessons that start early and Jesús is starting to work longer days so that he has to leave earlier which means I have to be up earlier if I want to go running. So that means I'll be starting my days at 5:20 rather than at 6:00. So for all of you Californians that read this, that means while you're sleeping in your bed at 3:20 am, I'll be getting up to work off my fat butt. Our ward is also starting a work out group on Mondays at 9, so when the kids are done with swim lessons, we have to jet on over to the church for work out number 2. I'm hoping to get some Zumba in too but this week that doesn't seem likely. I am also leaving for girls camp on Wednesday so I have a lot to do before then. I'm hoping to get some run time there too but we'll see how hot it gets.

Motivation

Ok so I have been pretty good, I'm down 5 lbs as of last week. My weigh in is tomorrow. I'm telling you its all about how much you eat and what it is you're eating.  I have the perfect motivation too. MY SISTER IS GETTING MARRIED!!!!! I'm so excited for her! I don't want to be the fatty at the reception and in any family pictures so since I know I have to wear a dress I want to lose as much weight as I can. I have 2 1/2 months. I'm hoping to be down at least 30 lbs. I am eating less carbs (except for that cinnamon roll I ate for lunch) everything else is fruit veggies and occasionally chicken or turkey. I love filling up on fruits and veggies, I feel much healthier. My breakfast consists of a Juice Plus shake with frozen fruit or berries and a little almond milk and regular low fat milk. I love how long it keeps me filled. Zumba has been really kicking my butt and I'm hoping to go running and do Zumba together and add weights. I think I can accomplish this goal if I just stick to this plan.

Once again, back on track

Ok so for the last two months I had really lost all my motivation, I was only working out maybe once a week and it was only half hearted work outs. Well last week I was eating a little better and by Friday I was frustrated with the kids and a messy house and no time to finish anything so I got up and went jogging/walking. The treadmill I was on didn't work very well and I thought I was going to fall but I at least got some exercise in. So yesterday at church one of the sisters gave a talk on the WOW (word of wisdom) which was revelation given to Joseph Smith on how to take care of our bodies. I really needed that reminder. I plan on studying the WOW this week to help me plan out my meals and help to keep me motivated.

If my mind can't keep me motivated, at least the Lord can. So today I got up again and earlier this time and went jogging at the gym. 3 miles down!! Woohoo!!! Then I came home and did Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred. Now I'm drinking a Juice Plus+ protein shake and feeling really good. I don't know why I wouldn't be able to keep this up, I stay more motivated throughout the day and spend more time being productive. I spend more time with my kids and less time worrying about the computer and shows that I have missed.

We just bought an X-Box Connect

and my husband just bought me the Zumba game.

I have never done Zumba but I think anything that I can add to my exercise schedule will help keep going. I want to be healthy. I want to live a healthier lifestyle. I have a spare calendar that I am going to start tracking my workout days and weight loss and possibly even write out planned meals throughout the day so I know exactly what I'm going to eat rather than staring into the fridge and the cupboards guessing what I'm going to eat. I'm going to plan shorter goals and try and get through either two weeks at a time or one month at a time. I also got a an email from someone making an app called SlimKicker.com asking my opinion on an app they were creating and I just used it this morning and it looks great, I'm excited to use it and see if it helps with my progress. To visit their website go here or go to http://www.slimkicker.com/ Its really an awesome site and a cool app to use for tracking fitness and food. It has a great challenge feature where you can sign up for a challenge such as not eating snacks after dinner or eating a salad a day. I know I definitely need challenges to keep me going. So for sure check it out.

Weigh in updated

I need to post really quick before I take the kids to the playground. I have been slacking a little this week. Last week was really rough and I took a whole weekend off from counting calories and went berserk. I haven't really been counting them this week either but I don't care much about it. I took monday off from running because it was too cold and I was afraid it would be icy outside. I did run 4 miles on Wednesday which felt good but my body was hurting all day afterward. Today I got up and realized I had no clean workout clothes. Boo. So I got back in bed and slept in until Elena crawled into bed with me and then we fell asleep again together. I think I finally was fully awake by 9:30 because the kids were jumping on top of me. I am almost down 10 lbs but I feel that its going awfully slow. Of course I know why, I'm not at the top of my game. I want to be running 3 miles a day which isn't necessary but I really want to eat lately. The more calories I burn, the more I can eat. I should probably do something today to make up for all the goldfish crackers I've been eating. Oh and those girl scout cookies that are on their way home in about an hour. I'm pretty sure they won't last through the night. Hormones suck.

Is my scale broken?

I got on the scale just for the heck of it this morning. I know its not my weigh in day but I was just curious. It said 196. something. That can't be right. Thats almost another 4 lbs. I will know for sure on Wednesday. I did get a new toy.I'm very excited about it. I have had my juice plus complete a few times which I love because of the taste and because of how long it keeps me full, but it doesn't blend well with milk while using a spoon. So I've been putting it in a water bottle and shaking it or using the big blender to add blueberries. This morning I used it to make me a fast blueberry Juice plus shake and it was divine and super fast and east to clean up. 100% worth it.