I'm so disappointed in myself. I've lost my love of exercise, I've lost my self control. I'm back to where I hoped I would never be. It's even causing me health problems. I have back pain so often now. Mostly sciatica which is awful and I used to get it when I was pregnant. I'm too afraid to get on the scale because I'm afraid to see the damage I've done. Maybe by recognizing it and voicing my disappointment and fears will help get me back on the right track.
I'm afraid of hurting my back more. I'm afraid if exercising alone. I'm afraid exercising will be too hard with all this weight on me. Im afraid that i will miss the good food too much. I'm afraid of having a bad day and being too hard on myself for it.
As I'm sitting on my couch with a heating pad trying to calm the burning pain in my hip and back, I wonder which is scarier; sitting here and letting the pain get worse and ending up not being able to move or getting back into a regular exercise schedule and eating less and more of what my body needs.
I will not be one of those people that I pity because they have no control or do not care what happens to them but complain when they are unhappy or unhealthy. I will not become one of those people. Starting today it will be different. If its not, then I'm in trouble. My family is in trouble. They should not suffer because I can't stop stuffing my face and am being lazy. They will not suffer. This is all about to get better. I don't want to count pounds. I want to judge on how much I eat and inches and how I'm feeling over all. That's how this is going to happen. If you read this blog, be prepared for a lot of soul searching and blubbering about how hard it is. I'm afraid if I keep it inside then I will become a feeding frenzy when it gets difficult, which it will.
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4 comments:
I'm sorry, Alison. I know how hard it is. I really do. I start out each day, determined to eat super healthy and excited to lose weight, and within a couple hours I've given up and I'm eating everything in sight. I feel like food and my desire to lose weight rule my life. I am so ready to conquer this and to get healthy. Let's keep up on our blogs. It's nice to do it together.
P.S. I'm so sorry about your back problems. That's miserable. :(
This hit close to home! It's so darn hard!! And only people that suffer from food addiction truly understand. I started a weight loss blog back in June and I was super excited about it and then forgot about it after I found out I was pregnant lol. Here's the link if you are interested. I can't wait to get started again next year.
http://journeytomchotty.blogspot.com/
Good Luck Alison you can do it, when you are mentally ready. I understand the back issue too. I was living on Advil, heating pads, and biofreeze before. It has to be my weight killing my back.
You should totally let it all out on this blog, Alison. We're here for you, sister! We can totally help one another through this crap.
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