A New Year, A New Me

Well here we go again. I doubt anyone reads this blog anymore but I feel like I need to just vent and get a bunch of stuff out as I begin this new year of 2015 in a healthy light. I feel like I have done this too many times and I want to finish it and be done. I want to feel healthy and look healthy. I was released from a very time consuming calling from church and now I feel like I have more time to focus on me. There are so many things I want to do to improve myself. When it comes to eating healthy and exercising I feel like I am always waiting for that motivation that only comes in spurts and when I don't have it I don't push myself. So last night as I was shoving salad down my throat at 10 o'clock at night, I figured out that determination and motivation are not the same thing. I have to be determined to do this. I need to start with smaller milestones to work to instead of just looking at the end result. So I will make a plan. Here is my plan:
-In 30 days I want to lose 10lbs - I think this is doable. We joined a gym so I have no excuse not to exercise everyday. If I see I can do this then I know I can do more and my next milestone should be bigger
-In 60 days I want to lose 25lbs This one will be tougher because its longer and I'm pretty sure I will struggle. But I will do it and at the end of this goal I will be down a total of 30 lbs. That means shopping trip. My clothes won't fit me anymore so that seems a legit reason to get some new ones.
- In 30 days I want to lose 10 lbs. This is back to a smaller goal but I think the weight loss will start to taper off because I will have lost most of the weight. I will be down 45 lbs which for me is huge.
-In 30 days I want to lose 8 lbs. This is smaller but I think at this point I will be toning and things will be slowing down as I focus on strength.
-In 30 days I want to be down 5 lbs. This will be in June and I will hopefully be down 58 lbs. My goal is to lose 60. After that I will see. Right now I am at 211. At least thats what the Dr. office said yesterday. So this should bring me down to 153 and my final goal is to be down to 140. So I will spread out this final amount over the next 2 months. When I get to that point I will plan it out more.
So there are my goals for weight loss this year. I also plan to practice the piano and flute at least 4 times a week. I have lessons for Piano and I am going to just have to practice the flute on my own. I also plan on going back to school now that the kids are both in school. I want and need to help our family out financially more than I am with my photography and preschool teaching.
Writing in my journal is my last one. I wan't to record what is going on in my life. I want my kids to know what we went through as they grew up. I have missed so much.
So here is to the new year. I will make changes and I will be determined. Even when I don't have motivation, I will have determination. I have lived like this for too long and I want to know what its like to be thin and healthy.

Slowest progress ever

So I keep jumping back and forth between the same 2 lbs. I hate it. I feel like my body has just stopped losing weight but I still feel good. My running has stopped because the kids are out of school and I hate running early morning outside because it scares me a little. I heard of some ladies that were attacked on a bike path and that makes me nervous. I had a weird weekend because I was at girls camp and I couldn't exercise and eating well was tough but I think I did pretty good. Tonight I noticed my back hurting a little and my sciatica acting up a bit but as I was thinking about it, I haven't had back problems for a while. I can only imagine how nice it will be when I lose more weight.

So this plateau these past couple weeks has me a little frustrated. I know that my body still feels thinner but the scale is making me mad. So I did a little research. I found this at Builtlean.com and it had some really good info:

So this made me feel better and now I'm going to keep watching the scale a little less and focus on my eating more and making sure I exercise more often and with more intensity.  I started doing a Zumba class every other week at church and I love it, because honestly I love to shake it.

I also forgot to say that I missed my race. I know. Suck. I got sick that week and then we drove to pick up the swag for it and I got excited and I decided to just go for it anyway. Well Saturday morning we woke up and Patrick had my fever and the same symptoms. So we decided it wouldn't have been a great idea to take him out there and sit in the heat while I run for 45 minutes. I definitely want to do another race and follow through but of course I need to figure out this running thing. I ran around the block tonight and it was hot but not bad. That might need to be what I do for a while until the kids are back in school and I the weather cools down a bit.

You know what makes it worth it??

People asking if you've lost weight. Even my husband has noticed a difference. I don't care what people think of me but its good to know that even though I feel better there is an outward physical difference. I have been doing great with a few bad days here and there but nothing severe so it feels good to be getting somewhere. It makes it so much easier to have my husband doing this with me. He is my support.  Hopefully by next summer when we go to Hawaii I'll look more like

This:

Yes 2 posts!

Yes I'm posting 2 posts in 1 day. Sad. I was doing so well. Was.  Its teacher appreciation week and I stayed up to make cookies. STUPID!!!!!! Seriously what was I thinking????!!!!! I scarfed down 3.  Possibly 4. At 11 O'clock at night!!! I need to get this out there into the void so that I can move on and get right back on track tomorrow.  I missed my run because of work but I'm going tomorrow morning to make up for it. Good thing they made me feel sick. And I'm going to give out the rest of them so they aren't screaming my name in the morning.

Down 8 lbs!!

Ok so I've lost 8 lbs! Yay! It feels good to finally see some improvement. Jesús even says I look a little thinner. That really boosts my self esteem and makes me want to keep going. I was sort of stuck and bouncing back and forth between 4 and 5 lbs so I talked to my sister and she said my caloric intake was too low so I raised it by 200 and the next day I had dropped 3 more lbs. It felt so good!! Yesterday I wore a dress that I haven't worn in 2 years or more. When I got the zipper up it felt so good. I couldn't stop looking in the mirror. Its this same dress. I of course didn't take any pictures in it because it was maybe a little bit tighter than I'm used to but it felt good to wear it and I got a lot of compliments on it at church.

I've been reading Runs For Cookies and I love to read all she has to say. I was reading about her plastic surgery and it makes me want that so bad!! I already have sagging skin and I know its going to just get worse as I continue but it would be so nice to have that gone. I love reading other bloggers that have lost the weight and it makes me motivated to keep trying. I feel better already and my husband is working hard with me. We are going to be the hottest couple around!!

Doing good so far!

So I have been doing great so far, my only trouble was yesterday when I cooked some frozen pre-made pasta from Costco and I didn't know what the caloric count was so I'm sure I over did it. I'm down 5 lbs and I'm running 2 miles 3 times a week with Zumba twice a week.
 I love Myfitnesspal app. Without it I would go terribly overboard. I have really enjoyed running. At first of course I sort of dread going but I feel so good when I'm done. I am almost ready for my 5k next month. I'm not drinking soda more than maybe once a week if I have it at all and Im avoiding going out to eat. I know eventually I will go but for now I will focus on what I'm eating at home. When I lost all the weight a few years ago I think I was so motivated because I had lost all my pregnancy weight from breastfeeding and I had no desire to eat a ton of food so that must have been a hormonal thing. This time around its just me. I want to do this and after 2 weeks of trying hard, I feel better already and I want take this all the way. There will be mistakes but I will remember there is always tomorrow and I will do better tomorrow.
We are going to the beach this summer and Hawaii next year. I will look and feel better by this summer but I will be hot by next summer. I can do this.

Take......100??

How many times do I post that I'm starting over again? Well guess what? I'm starting over again. Yes. I have great support in my very own home this time though. Thats right, my husband is doing it with me.  My friend Nathalie and I are working together and supporting and checking on each other as well. She just had a baby so she has a great excuse. I have none. I'm just fat and lazy.
Nathalie and I have signed up for a race next month with my bestie Amber. I'm so stinking scared. I've started running. I started last week and this week I can run a mile and a half. I'm trying to run 3 days a week and doing XBox Zumba the other two days. I am counting my calories and I've discovered that I had set my calorie limit way too low. Now that its fixed I've started to lose weight. Very exciting. I'm taking this one a day at a time. I keep looking at the big picture and getting overwhelmed and losing my faith in myself. This time I am only worrying about how I do that day. If I make a mistake I know that I can do a better job the next day. I want to be healthy and I want to feel better about myself and know that I can't blame how I treated my body if something goes wrong.